By Sarah Keenan
The woman was very upset with the leader. Not only had her son been humiliated in front of everyone, but the leader had done so in front of her, the boy’s mother. What right did that man have to discipline her child?
For the rest of the week, she stewed, trying to decide how she would confront the man that following Sunday. As the Sabbath approached, she finally settled on what to do. She was going to walk up to the man at church, stick her finger in his face, and angrily say: “This is my son. You have no idea what he’s going through and no right to treat him poorly.”
But as she marched towards the man that Sunday, righteous indignation flaring up inside her, she heard the voice of God whisper her own carefully-crafted words back to her:
Upon hearing these words, the woman realized she didn’t know anything about the leader’s life or what had motivated him to act the way he did. Although she still felt she should talk to the man about the incident, she recognized that she should not do so when motivated by anger. She understood the need for forgiveness and the importance of not taking offense.
A few months ago, a women shared a testimony in sacrament meeting about her son, who is on the mild end of the autism spectrum. She explained that, because of this, he will often say or do things that are inappropriate. One day after a mutual activity, she arrived to pick up her son and saw him do something that was clearly unacceptable. She moved to pull the boy aside to quietly reprimand him when one of the church leaders started yelling at her son, condemning him for his behavior in front of all the other young men.
The woman was very upset with the leader. Not only had her son been humiliated in front of everyone, but the leader had done so in front of her, the boy’s mother. What right did that man have to discipline her child?
For the rest of the week, she stewed, trying to decide how she would confront the man that following Sunday. As the Sabbath approached, she finally settled on what to do. She was going to walk up to the man at church, stick her finger in his face, and angrily say: “This is my son. You have no idea what he’s going through and no right to treat him poorly.”
But as she marched towards the man that Sunday, righteous indignation flaring up inside her, she heard the voice of God whisper her own carefully-crafted words back to her:
This man is my son.
You have no idea what he's going through
and no right to treat him poorly.
Upon hearing these words, the woman realized she didn’t know anything about the leader’s life or what had motivated him to act the way he did. Although she still felt she should talk to the man about the incident, she recognized that she should not do so when motivated by anger. She understood the need for forgiveness and the importance of not taking offense.
Taking Offense
We live in a day and age where taking offense is almost as natural as breathing. Social media is flooded with people who angrily demand compensation and consequences for slights, both real and perceived. By every modern metric, the woman deserved to be offended, and the man deserved to feel the same humiliation he had subjected her son to. We seem to follow the same ancient Biblical law of retribution given to the Israelites millennia ago: an eye for an eye, a tooth for tooth, a punishment to reflect the severity of the insult or injury.
But long ago, when Christ was on the earth, a new, higher law was introduced. While the law given on Sinai demanded reprisal and retribution, the law introduced by Christ emphasized charity and forgiveness. Rather than an “eye for an eye” (Exodus 21:24), Jesus taught to turn the other cheek “seventy times seven” times (Matt. 18:22).
We live in a day and age where taking offense is almost as natural as breathing. Social media is flooded with people who angrily demand compensation and consequences for slights, both real and perceived. By every modern metric, the woman deserved to be offended, and the man deserved to feel the same humiliation he had subjected her son to. We seem to follow the same ancient Biblical law of retribution given to the Israelites millennia ago: an eye for an eye, a tooth for tooth, a punishment to reflect the severity of the insult or injury.
But long ago, when Christ was on the earth, a new, higher law was introduced. While the law given on Sinai demanded reprisal and retribution, the law introduced by Christ emphasized charity and forgiveness. Rather than an “eye for an eye” (Exodus 21:24), Jesus taught to turn the other cheek “seventy times seven” times (Matt. 18:22).
Nicodemus: Honest Seeker of Truth
In John 3, Nicodemus, “a ruler of the Jews” (John 3:1), visits the Savior by night. He proves himself an honest seeker of truth, calling Jesus the respected title of “Rabbi” and saying, “[W]e know that thou art a teacher come from God.” Jesus immediately answers with the statement, “Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.” Confused, Nicodemus asks several questions, foremost, “How can these things be?” to which Jesus responds, “Art thou a master of Israel, and knowest not these things?”
By the standards of the time period, Nicodemus had every right to be greatly offended by Christ’s rebuke. In pointing out Nicodemus’s lack of understanding in spiritual matters, Christ was in open violation of a Jewish law: “If any one opposes his rabbi, he is guilty in the same degree as if he opposed God himself.”1 On one occasion in Jewish history, “twenty-four persons were excommunicated for having failed to render to the rabbi the reverence due to his position.”2 The other members of the Sanhedrin certainly showed offense when insulted by the Savior. When Jesus was brought before Annas for questioning, he asked a similar question of Annas—“Why askest thou me?”—and was slapped by a nearby officer, who angrily said, “Answerest though the high priest so?” (John 18:23).
But Nicodemus chose not to be offended. Instead of reporting Christ to the Sanhedrin, he considered Christ’s words. He went on to defend Jesus to the Pharisees at the Feast of Tabernacles, even though it opened Nicodemus to condemnation and mockery (John 7:50). Nicodemus even brought 75 lbs. of spices to Christ’s burial (John 19:39), enough to honor a king.
By the standards of the time period, Nicodemus had every right to be greatly offended by Christ’s rebuke. In pointing out Nicodemus’s lack of understanding in spiritual matters, Christ was in open violation of a Jewish law: “If any one opposes his rabbi, he is guilty in the same degree as if he opposed God himself.”1 On one occasion in Jewish history, “twenty-four persons were excommunicated for having failed to render to the rabbi the reverence due to his position.”2 The other members of the Sanhedrin certainly showed offense when insulted by the Savior. When Jesus was brought before Annas for questioning, he asked a similar question of Annas—“Why askest thou me?”—and was slapped by a nearby officer, who angrily said, “Answerest though the high priest so?” (John 18:23).
But Nicodemus chose not to be offended. Instead of reporting Christ to the Sanhedrin, he considered Christ’s words. He went on to defend Jesus to the Pharisees at the Feast of Tabernacles, even though it opened Nicodemus to condemnation and mockery (John 7:50). Nicodemus even brought 75 lbs. of spices to Christ’s burial (John 19:39), enough to honor a king.
Follow a Better Law
Elder David A. Bednar once said: “To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone else."3 Nicodemus understood and internalized this important principle of Christ’s teachings: never take offense, even if there is good cause. While we cannot control the actions of others, we can control our response to them and our decision to forgive.
Remember that those around us are sons and daughters of God. Remember that we can treat others with charity, even if they offer us none, and most importantly, remember that all that is unfair and unjust will be made right. Just as Christ’s Atonement overcomes death, it overcomes the need for earthly retribution. Though Moses’s law vowed immediate earthly justice, Christ’s higher law promises something even greater: eternal salvation and exaltation.
Choose to follow a better law. Choose not to be offended.
Elder David A. Bednar once said: “To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone else."3 Nicodemus understood and internalized this important principle of Christ’s teachings: never take offense, even if there is good cause. While we cannot control the actions of others, we can control our response to them and our decision to forgive.
Remember that those around us are sons and daughters of God. Remember that we can treat others with charity, even if they offer us none, and most importantly, remember that all that is unfair and unjust will be made right. Just as Christ’s Atonement overcomes death, it overcomes the need for earthly retribution. Though Moses’s law vowed immediate earthly justice, Christ’s higher law promises something even greater: eternal salvation and exaltation.
Choose to follow a better law. Choose not to be offended.
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1) Sidney R. Sandstrom, "Nicodemus: Coward or Convert?" Religious Educator 9, no. 3 (2008): 49–62. https://rsc.byu.edu/archived/volume-9-number-3-2008/nicodemus-coward-or-convert
2) Chandler, Trial of Jesus from a Lawyer’s Standpoint, 2:316.
3) David A. Bednar, "And Nothing Shall Offend Them," General Conference (Oct. 2006). https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2006/10/and-nothing-shall-offend-them?lang=eng
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